I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
