took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
