I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
