Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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