mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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