Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
