Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
