I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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