1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.