the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
high people should be assigned attendants
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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