You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.