In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.