Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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