Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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