i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
