i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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