Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
