I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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