You're my little dorito
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
