i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
