Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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