It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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