i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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