THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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