There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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