I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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