this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
