3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
