i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
