Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
