I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
