A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
