Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
