His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
