Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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