ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
