@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize