saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
