I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
