Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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