I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
