Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
