she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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