Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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