It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
