I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
