I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't think brook has ever known best
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
