You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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