shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
