I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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