i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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