Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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