Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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