watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
