Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
