we have officially lost it.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
