I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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