God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
