I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
