she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did I show you my penis last night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
