It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
