Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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