Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
