she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
