Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
