so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
