OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
