I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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