So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
