I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
