the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
