It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
