He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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