this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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