He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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