This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
