omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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