i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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