Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just high enough for therapy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
