I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
