So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
