Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
