textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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