Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i now understand why vodka
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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