I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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